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The World
Through
the Eyes of Kids |
STARK NAKED
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."
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WRONG PLACE
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?"
POLICE #1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and continued
writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right? "Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then, "she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you
please tie my shoe?"
POLICE #2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me " Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me
and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said," What'd he do?"
TOOTH FAIRY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning. "
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother . "I can't read, I can't write
and they won't let me talk!"
UNDERWEAR
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bib le. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I
found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
underwear."
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